Every analogy fails.
Alright, it is time to roll up my sleeves and draft a proper entry...
My current focus and studies:
The Catholic Bible
RCIA Week #7: Jesus, Son of God & Son of Mary
Bible Study Class: Lectio: Eucharist with Dr. Brant Pitre
Yes, my plate is full, but I personally need to lean in this laboriously through academic resources to continue to build up my heart to a posture of conversion. During Bible Study (class) on Thursday, realized that if I had been siloed only in RCIA on the Tulsa campus, I wouldn't have made it this far with conviction.
The CCC is a part of my ongoing daily studies in tandem with the Catholic Bible (NSRV). Right now, I am deep within Section III and The Moral Law. Paragraph 1974 stood out this week:
"The evangelical counsels manifest in the living fullness of charity, which is never satisfied with not giving more."
In my childhood home, I was discouraged from giving throughout my adolescence and teenage years and firmly reprimanded if the adults caught wind of something I had done. Specific instances I remember were using money earned from babysitting to buy presents for friends on their birthdays, and in a lecture from my grandfather before leaving the nest at eighteen, he told me to "stop buying lunch and dinner for people, keep your money," before continuing to scold concerning my soft heart. I never understood the negativity around being a giving person in the household, and have been thankful that the words of the church underscore the importance of charity as I go along.
The Bible has thrown some curveballs at me this week going through the desert wanderings (Numbers & Deuteronomy). In the Old Testament, more than once I've thought, "God was/is viscously petty and trifling." Nonetheless, a bit lost in how the God of the Old Testament makes such a dramatic shift in the New Testament, but in quoting the Church's counsel and RCIA educator, "If you say the answer is 'Jesus,' you will be right 9/10 times." So ... am guessing that the answer is "Jesus." In meditating on the word, something that keeps coming to me is to sit with the discomfort to transcend to the actual message and teaching, versus focusing on a very reactive God. Also: You'd think that Israelites would mind their sins with a bit more attentiveness after God's wrath on repeat for four decades... but no. I'd only have to see my people swallowed up by the Earth once, to be honest.
The Imitation of Christ has been a welcome addition to the rotation. Chapter 2, Humble Self-Opinion, was a wallop straight out of the gate.
"The more you know and the better you understand, the more severely will you be judged, unless your life is also the more holy. Do not be proud, therefore, because of your learning or skill. Rather, fear because of the talent given to you. If you think you know many things and understand them well enough, realize at the same time that there is much you do not know. Hence, do not affect wisdom, but admit your ignorance. Why prefer yourself to anyone else when many are more learned, more cultured than you?
If you wish to learn and appreciate something worthwhile, then love to be unknown and considered as nothing. Truly to know and despise self is the best and most perfect counsel. To think of oneself as nothing, and always to think well and highly of others is the best and most perfect wisdom. Wherefore, if you see another sin openly or commit a serious crime, do not consider yourself better, for you do not know how long you can remain in good estate. All men are frail, but you must admit that none is more frail than yourself." - The Imitation of Christ, Ch. 2
Balancing the tremendous amount of information coming at me from all sides with Catholicism, my mantra has been, "You don't need to learn all two thousand years of information in a mere seven months." Additionally, I am attempting to discern what is next with my higher education path (pulled between an MFA in Writing, or a MAPS path with a focus on digital communications). I've never felt as infinitesimal in my knowledge as now, and I've conceded that it is time to take the growing lack of confidence and seek guidance in prayer. All of this has shaken my core more than I could have anticipated and is bleeding into my professional world as well. Just two months ago, I would assume confident solutions with deeply knowledgeable answers to questions from colleagues; as of late, I've been lingering far more frequently in the quiet space between questions and answers, even going so far as to ask my team in meetings for a moment to collect my thoughts before diving into social, digital communications, or PR topics.
Last week in RCIA we had a complementary summation of Trinitarian theology which built upon an earlier class, and the session further elaborated on Catholic viewpoints. I'm grateful the educator stressed all analogies ultimately end up failing when endeavoring to illustrate theology in simplistic terms, as I believe oversimplification harms theology more than it satisfies those seeking to understand and know God. The discussion on the consideration of reason and the natural order of the cosmos was incredibly important, especially when distinguishing the harmony of the supernatural (nature), faith (reason), and the Holy Trinity (God), and acknowledging the truth of Christ and the Holy Trinity through the conforming of the mind to reality.
Weekly Bible Study is interesting: not totally invested with the additional in-person class yet, but still showing up. Each evening begins with a long evening prayer and response session, and we are awaiting a workbook ordered to augment the forthcoming weeks of Dr. Brant Pitre's video lectures. This past Thursday, I volunteered to read simply to help pick up the pace of the scriptural study... and several individuals approached me afterward, volun-telling me to sign up for Mass readings. Was relieved to buy some time with not being confirmed until next year, as I can foresee gracefully taking a digger on the marble in front of the entire congregation, priests, and the watchful eye of God.
Have a great week ahead, and God bless,
—K